I GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!!

So there I was, minding my business at work (over the summer I am selling cherries) and I was adjusting a sign on a nearby lamp post when an elderly woman comes up to me asking to take down the sign as I was defacing public property. I told her very politely that in fact I had council permission to hang my sign up, and she started to get really angry and said she would cut it down herself and then she would cut me! When I started to take down the sign, she started screaming that yesterday kids were killed because of a sign like mine, proceeded to yell that I was a murderous bitch and that I killed her children, and came at me! She slapped and punched me round the head while I tried to take down this sign! Luckily, this was the moment my parents drove up to drop me off some warmer clothes and my mum came racing over to help me! I had taken a few steps away from the lady and she kept trying to come at me – she was wearing gloves so the blows didn’t really hurt but she stopped and started screaming at my mum that she also was a murdering bitch!? Meanwhile, my Dad who is on crutches is across the road waving his crutches around yelling at her that he is calling the police! The lady (if you can call her that) starts yelling about how we stole money from her bank account!!! She clearly was a bit mentally ill or a bit funny in one way or another but it really had me shaking, I was crying and trembling out of pure shock! Packed up my cherries and took the day off – not the best day ever to be honest!

Signed, Hannah 

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Desire

I want to find desire in something. I want a profound occurrence to happen and for me to find perspective. I’ve lost perspective and I want it back. I’m not suggesting I expect anything to land at my feet or to be handed the ticket, but how do I actively find direction?

Where I Will Live

Something I have never worried about, is where I will live. I went from being in high school and living at home, into a university hostel for my first year, then ended up in a flat of friends for year 2, and now I want change. I have declared I’m moving out – but I don’t have a plan. I don’t want to live with friends again – I learnt too much about some of them and not enough good things. I’d rather dislike a random flatmate then a supposedly good friend. So it’ll be time to leave soon, and I don’t know where to. It’s absolutely terrifying. I want to feel comfortable in the home I choose, I want to not be broke, and I want to feel happy and healthy. The hunt begins. Wish me luck!

Signed, Hannah

The Life Cycle

I love change. I am always looking forward to the next stage or phase of my life because it means I have accomplished the current part.

In the education system, I was always eager to move up. Primary became intermediate, intermediate became high school, high school became university. Now I’m in my third year of my degree, and all I want is to join the workforce. I can only assume from there I will want to move up through the ranks. I’m not sure if marriage and kids is for me, but most people would then look to that as their next phase. This constant progression gives us a sense of direction and achievement – do we only do it to ignore a potential existential crisis?

My friendships go through a similar cycle, they either blossom or perish. With each ‘death’, makes me consider the changes I need to make before accepting the next ‘life’. Same with my relationships I suppose, each one is a journey that provides a lesson.

I just don’t want to be in a rush. I don’t want to ignore the present and only work towards the future. I don’t want to miss anything. My memory is generally not very good so it is important I take the time to stop and breathe and remember.

Signed, Hannah 

Looks

If one wants to compare my looks to the certain standard upheld by the media, I’m definitely average. Average build, complexion, hair etc. Just very run of the mill. Which has always suited me fine, generally people don’t knock the average. However, it has recently come to my attention that someone has classified me as less than average, particularly when contrasted with my boyfriend. Before I carry on, I’d just like to say I’m not offended – just kind of curious.

I’m well aware looks don’t define a person, and what is on the inside is what counts. Though, let’s face it, the harsh truth is that if there are two people who are of equal intelligence and social calibre, the more attractive one will be picked (generally). This is how law firm staff all look so piiiirdy, actors on TV all look very symmetrical, and girl cliques come together in high school. What is so often forgotten, is that looks are a genetic lottery. Unless you have a butt tonne of money, you get what you get. If you’re lucky enough to have a fast metabolism and clear skin – it is luck. You didn’t choose to have those things unless you throw time and money at it. Even then, the base is still going to be either deemed below average, average, or above average. I guess the essence of what I am trying to get at is; why bitch about what other people look like when (I’m going to guess 100%) of the population wishes they could change something about their own appearance. Why did this boy (who I barely know) make a comment about what I look like? I’m so irrelevant to his life, and what I look like will in no way ever affect him.

Thing is, I have absolutely made a comment about someone else’s appearance before. Not always in a bad way, not that often, but I wouldn’t think too much about saying to a friend “You look beaut today” or even “Holy shit that girl is not workin’ that mini skirt”. I’m pretty sure I’ll make comments in the future saying similar things – I’m mentally aware that it is pointless and I’m judging someone on something they are powerless to change anyway, but I am somehow conditioned to react to other’s appearances. For F’s sake we even have a thing called ‘appearance medicine’ now.

It has crossed my mind before when my flatmate says I look good a certain day, that I’d rather they were saying I’m particularly funny that day or congratulate me on a point well-made. I do have an internal reflex going on where I’d rather be judged for something else other than what I look like… Am I the only person that has this reflex? Or do I need to learn to accept criticism and compliments a bit better? It’s funny, I’m not shallow in the slightest, my romantic track record is very all over the place if you go by looks, yet I bet there would be some that consider me vain because I like doing hair, makeup and putting together an outfit. Are these elements off my life linked? Do shallow and vain go hand and hand or can they be separate?

I guess this post is just a reminder to me to expect to be judged, and to not take it to heart. Not everyone is my cup of tea and vice versa.

Signed, Hannah