Extinguished

When the stability has been lost, everything is thrown off balance. The timing could not be worse – my third year university exams start tomorrow, it is my 21st birthday next week and then I finally have some travel to look forward to. But the stability is missing. I have never been so confused by the actions of another. I thought I was loved unconditionally, now I realise there was this dam building up with things unsaid and now it is starting to leak. I feel like only a few corks have been added to the dam and at any moment it’ll break and I’ll be drowning. I desperately want to be happy, but I don’t know how to be in this new situation, it is foreign and all-consuming. I used to find pleasure in getting lost, but now I just feel alone.

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